Spitting blood and feathers.

by Johnny Bull
March 13th, 2009

It’s official. Britain is on the way to becoming publess; at least in the country where 13 are closing every week. Although the reasons given for their demise are many: the wash from the greedfest, cheap off-sales, increases in business rates, tough drink-drive legislation, the smoking ban, plain daft retirees thinking what a nice idea running a pub would be. We all have our theories; a mate of mine years ago cited the laying down of carpet as the beginning of the end; where the clatter and thrum of a noisy place to meet would become a hushed memory as the mustard cardigans muscled onto the barstools, muttering at the easy crossword, nursing halves, having a look at the menu…

They were never as fantastic as all that, anyway, there was always the social misfit landlord straight out of the RAF making unwelcome, slightly racist small talk to his new captive audience; the dismal lounges wallpapered like nurseries in the pitiful hope of attracting diners to poke at microwaved veg in horrible ramikins. But there are still real pubs that have defied the business trends (bless ‘em) with music, mischief and merriment.

And with luck this is a storm they will ride.

You only have to look at the people who are actively wrecking their chances: the creepy politicos, the miserable bloody councillors, the box-ticking rationalist business professionals who would never, ever, have nipped into a pub for a pint unless at gunpoint. The terror of unfamiliar ground. No, they love restaurants; the deals made over the grissini and olives; the small talk over the Sauvignon and the cutlets. And the poor suckers who thought that wallpapering the snug and replacing the bar-billiards with a nice family-sized dining table have lost them as well as the pint drinkers, who left ages ago when they started to feel like they were interrupting something.

Sadly, the net result is that everybody’s gone home. To drink, to smoke, to eat their dinners on their laps while watching Celebrities On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown. Then some bright spark will say, in a Eureka moment, “Let there be Light. And Bitter…” and open a decent pub.

Comments (14)

Absolutely right Johnny; despite the downturn – not just of the economy, but also the corners of legislators’ mouths – there are pubs which continue to thrive because they serve good beer, better food and interesting (often live) music. Let’s not kid ourselves that pubs are a special case who deserve to be (along with everyone else it seems) baled out by the government. Those publicans who still sell something that people want to buy will ride out this storm. God knows I do my best to support them; ask my liver.

Posted by Paul Rodger • 13 March 2009, 13:39

Eloquent and evocative as ever, Johnny. Of course, one of the pub’s raisons d’etre was as a refuge for the wayfarer. I remember when Anne and I were walking the Ridgeway Path, and at the end of a hard day’s trudging we’d think how lovely it would be to put up our aching feet and have a pint of real ale and a g and t in some idyllic country pub while we waited for the taxi to take us back to where the car was parked. So we’d look at the Ordnance Survey – this looks a good place to finish – this village has got a pub, a shop, even a post office! But most of the time, said village was deserted and lifeless. Pub, shop and post office turned into expensive homes.

Posted by Disaster Historian • 15 March 2009, 08:25

Good point DH. The wayfarer’s and the labourer’s need almost define the existence of a country boozer; when all you want is a well-desrved sit down and a pint. This miserable, farcical state of affairs preceded by the gentrified establishments having signs outside reading: No Muddy Boots, Please.

Posted by Johnny Bull • 16 March 2009, 13:00

Just thought I’d add a nice wide-angled shot by Anne Clements of an inner city pub, well past time, and probably due to be thrown out. Depressing and beautiful at the same time. See more of Anne's arresting and witty stuff on Flickr: http://www.flickr.com/photos/clemypix/3357379584/in/set-72157615610777232/

Posted by Johnny Bull • 18 March 2009, 10:06

Can’t match your poetic way with words JB. But having done many a 5-7 hour country trek with DH, what usually keeps me going is the thought of a jar in a cosy pub and DH is right … many locals are no more. In the country they are turned into posh real estate and in the city – like my photo above – they are left to rot and decay. Soooooo sad!

Posted by Anne Clements • 18 March 2009, 13:31

Some good news about pubs! A few weeks ago, the landlord of the Drapers Arms in Islington was told he would lose his licence unless he provided police with a mug shot of everyone entering his pub. Faced with patronising hostility from his local Labour MP, the landlord complained to the Information Commissioner, and the police have been forced to drop their demands. see http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/henryporter/2009/feb/25/nick-gibson-cctv-civil-liberties

Posted by Disaster Historian • 24 March 2009, 10:15

Well spotted D.H. Have now discovered how to link to your excellent blog JB so have put a link on my Flickr photo.

Posted by Anne Clements • 25 March 2009, 15:39

The awful thing is that it’s like a slow motion film of a car crash – we could see it unfolding before our eyes, could see the inevitable, and yet no-one could stop it. With all the influences at work from dffierent quarters, its the tragedy of no single cause and therefore no single cure. So no-one – least of all the nanny politicians who made the worst moves – feels anything they can do will help. The politicians of course are snug with their feeling of having improved the nation – by their own values.

Posted by Edward Sankey • 25 March 2009, 18:43

This is sadly the same pub where I took the photo of my (then) motorbike, all those years ago. I put the pub’s demise down to high prices but I don’t agree with all the hype about ‘binge drinking’ by the way. It will be a sad day if all our pubs disappear.

Posted by John Brough • 26 March 2009, 19:57

This is right up my alley, if there is one thing I can talk about with any detailed knowledge it is the Great British Pub! I agree with all of the points raised but I think our current state of affairs started when pubs where ‘Branded’ and sold to Sky TV. You can now walk into a high street boozer in any number of towns around the country, but the decor would look the same… as would half the punters!

My advice to all is to build your own pub at the bottom of your garden (as friends of mine have done) and rule your own kingdom.

Posted by beerblogger • 2 April 2009, 13:29

and another thing… where do they get all the jugs, mugs, trumpets, wheels, horse harnesses and all the other junk that festoons these pubs?

Posted by beerblogger • 2 April 2009, 13:33

I stumbled upon a cool word the other day, I think used by a terribly hip and current French grafitti artist to describe his shite-geisty tagging: Brandalisation. That’s what happens when the logos and the tellies the size of cars get installed.
I suppose you know where not to go.
Plasma is the new horsebrass!

Posted by chuck loyola • 2 April 2009, 21:36

We need to break the ‘pubco cartels’ which are shafting the average landlords with beer prices of up to 80p above the retail price! This translates to over 1000 pubs owned by these pubcos which have closed since Dec 05. They and Government taxation are the ones that are driving up the prices of your favorite pint. Brew your own I say.

Posted by beerblogger • 3 April 2009, 09:27

Chuck, nice word shame that it’s being used for the beloved British boozer. Now we have the British Beer & Pub Assoc. saying that loads of ‘pub’ jobs are gonna go over the next 5 or so years coz of the relentless Gnvt tax rises. The British pub & culture is assailed on all sides, is it dommed?

Posted by beerblogger • 9 April 2009, 15:35